


Sort out your head then follow your heart

by Occasionalcoffeethereturn



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:05:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5091824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Occasionalcoffeethereturn/pseuds/Occasionalcoffeethereturn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2012 and another relationship separation is announced.  The follow up to Clarity Through Smoke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He caught her eyes in the mirror, watching as she combed through her long blonde hair before bed. She held his gaze, watching his expression. He looked resigned, sad, and those eyes were definitely missing their usual sparkle. She knew he’d figured it out by now, if not a long time before. He was just waiting for her to finally cut the ties. She’d been gradually distancing herself away from him since Christmas, chipping away at the closeness they’d built between them over almost five years. She felt awful for doing it, a conscious move to drive him away from her, to be able to somehow justify her actions to herself. Maybe if she could make him hate her it would be easier. Maybe he'd tell her he'd had enough. But she knew he wouldn't do that, he loved her too much. And as arrogant as it sounded she suspected he'd rather have her around and half-heartedly with him, than not have her around at all. 

She loved him, she really did and she was truly fond of him, but she wasn’t in love with him. She wasn’t sure she ever truly had been. And she couldn’t continue this façade, keep up this pretence. It wasn’t fair on anyone anymore. Their time together had been ticking down like a time bomb, the problem was she was the only one who knew when it would detonate. 

And she was hovering around, almost ready to flip the switch.

This wasn't just about her promise she'd made to David a year earlier, though she couldn't deny that his marriage separation hadn't influenced things. But she had known for a while now that Mark wasn't as forever for her as she was for him. She had the distinct feeling her upcoming birthday present was jewellery in a velvet box along with a question and he had to know the outcome was not in his favour. She was sure he'd had both the ring and the proposal in mind for a while, but there had clearly been something holding him back if he hadn't tried to ask her already.

She watched him move around the bedroom as he untied his robe, hanging it on the back of the door. He'd already stripped down to his boxers and peeled back the bed covers, slipping underneath, still watching her. He flipped on the bedside lamp and she saw him reach for his book, thinking the moment had once again passed. But then she saw him pause, resting his hands in his lap. His eyes found hers again.

'You know I thought I could just carry on ignoring things Gillian.'

She put her hairbrush down on the dressing table and nodded, turning to face him on her stool. This was it. Time to flip the switch, turn off the timer, let the bomb go off. And he'd even given her an opening she perhaps didn't deserve. 

'I'm... I'm sorry.'

She didn't know what else to say. There was nothing else she could say. He knew it was over, he must have seen the changes in her and the changes in her towards him. At least she didn't have to pretend anymore or try and pick a moment to have this awful conversation.

'I thought I could just carry on, knowing you're... Somewhere else. But it's harder than I thought it would be.'

She nodded some more, moving to stand at the edge of her side of the bed. She wished she could think of something to say to him, but all she could do was agree with him. It was over and they both knew it.

'I didn't know how to... Explain it. I just... I'm sorry. I know it's not enough. But all I could think to do was shut you out, to drive you away.'

He reached his hand across the covers and she climbed onto the bed, holding it in hers. She felt surprisingly overcome with sadness, with guilt. He wasn't shouting or screaming at her, he was accepting, understanding, sympathetic even. She suspected he'd cried all his tears already. He truly was a good man as well as a gentleman and hurting him had been the last thing she'd wanted to do, despite its inevitability.

'Neither of us can carry on like this Gillian. We'll both go crazy.'

She ran her thumb across the back of his hand, rubbing gently across his knuckles. He was loveable, likeable and she saw again now some of the reasons she had fallen for him in the first place. He was easy to love, but not easy to fall in love with.

'I do love you.'

'I know you do. And I also know this isn't enough for you.'

'This isn't easy for me you know.'

'I know it's not. I can see it in your face.'

She rested her head on his shoulder and gave his hand a squeeze. She knew things would be alright between the two of them because underneath everything else was love, a true friendship and a desire for mutual support.

'I could have overlooked you sleeping with him you know. Your... Indiscretions shall we say.'

'You... What?'

She looked at him wide eyed like a rabbit caught in headlights and inwardly flinched. She should have known he'd have been perceptive enough to figure out something was going on and wondered just how long he'd known.

'David. Don't pretend you haven't, I know you've been sleeping with him for years.'

She nodded and her voice suddenly felt small, her throat choking up at the mention of his name.

'This isn't why I can't be with you. He's not the reason.'

'Maybe not the only reason but I know he's part of it. Things haven't been right with us since we came back from LA. People don't just sleep together on and off for twenty years without it meaning something.'

'There's something there. I won't lie to you. I can't tell you what but it's something.'

'It's a pretty big something.'

'Maybe.'

'Sort out your head. Then follow your heart. You and I both know life is short not too.'

She loved his views on things, the analytical side of his mind taking over and offering solutions. He made things sound so ridiculously simple. He was right though, and the passing of her brother had taught her many things, not just to seize opportunities but to be happy.

'There's so much for us to sort out...'

'Not really. I'm not going to be one of those alternate weekend Dads though. I want more than that.'

'Mark I'm not going to stop you seeing the boys... I'd never do that.'

'I know. The other stuff... It's not important. I can stay at the apartment before I get something else. I have my eye on a house round the corner that's just come up.'

She smiled for the first time that evening and he untangled his hand from hers, his arm looping around her shoulders.

'We don't have to rush this. I want you around, I just can't be with you like that anymore. I don't know if that it's too hard for you to stay.'

'It'll be a few weeks if that's ok. A month. And I need you to promise me something.'

'What?'

'Don't take my boys to live in America.'

'No. I wouldn't. You know that.'

She rested her head on his chest and kissed him on the cheek before pushing herself up off the bed to get changed. She'd sleep in their bed with him tonight for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York. August 7th 2012.

He woke naturally early as was usual for him these days, a mix of his mind being on over drive with words that needed to spill onto a page and the summer sun streaming in around the blinds in his apartment. He liked his quiet starts to the day, before the city had really woken up. The park was near empty as he went to do his yoga routine and run rounded off with a strong coffee that he’d taken back up to his apartment. And all before 6am.

He towel dried his hair and sat at his desk, laptop open and checked his emails. Nothing from her as had been the case for the last week or so. He tried not to feel too disappointed. In fact he hadn't heard from her very much at all recently, but he knew she was probably very busy. With work and young children, he knew how time could get away from you. And it couldn't be easy now she was juggling all those things and getting over the break-up of her relationship. He knew all too well even if you instigated a break up it didn’t necessarily leave you with the easier deal. Far from it. The day after she’d told Mark it was over she had phoned him and had seemed a little quiet and distant, but it was nothing he wasn't expecting. He knew she needed time and space to think things through and he was willing to give it to her. Hell she could have anything she wanted from him.

They'd met a month or so later when she'd had a short visit to LA and he'd been filming. They'd not had much time together and neither of them had really wanted to spend their time talking. 

His cock twitched as he remembered finding her in her hotel room the night before she was due to leave. He'd wrapped late on Californication and was cursing himself, his job, his car, the traffic and everything in between for being late as he let himself into her room. He had found her relaxed, lying on top of the bed covers watching TV. Her hair was up in a loose ponytail and her face free of make up with a gentle glow of moisturiser. She looked beautiful and his eyes wandered over her appreciatively to find her wearing a tight, black tank and even smaller black panties with high cut legs. She'd turned to face him expectantly and silently turned off the television with the remote, setting it on her bedside table.

He'd pounced on her then with a ferocity that surprised him and she'd countered back, loud and uninhibited as she moaned against his mouth, his lips clashing with hers in desperate clumsy kisses. She wasted no time in wrapping her legs around his waist whilst pawing at him and pulling off his clothes. Their clothing was pushed to the floor in no time and he was naked and on top of her, her wetness gliding against the heat of his cock. He gently probed at her entrance and shook her head at him, pulling his ear to his mouth.

'From behind David. Take me from behind.'

It was the first and only thing either of them had said since he'd come through the door.

He was sure she was trying to kill him as he flipped her over and she tipped the round globes of his ass up towards him, allowing him to see how glisteningly wet she was. Her hands had grabbed at the headboard to anchor her as he thrust deeply inside her. He loved fucking her like this and from the noises she'd made she certainly wasn't complaining either. The sounds of him pushing inside her against her wetness and her moans, expletives and the sounds of her chanting his name had meant he'd lasted only minutes, coming seconds after she'd climaxed around him.

'Sorry,' she had said.

'I don't know what the fuck you're apologising for.'

'Well I guess I could have said hello first.'

He'd let his breathing return to normal and gathered her against him, holding her close with her head resting on her chest.

'Hi,' he'd said, kissing the top of her head.

'Well hi yourself.'

They'd drifted off to sleep and he'd woken up with her in her arms. She had an early flight to catch and had quietly slipped out of his embrace and packed her things up around him. He'd fallen back to sleep, unable to stop himself and hoping she wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. The mattress moved and he stirred as she'd perched on the bed next to him, her hand running through his hair. He'd woken up again slowly, feeling confused as he'd worked out where he was.

'You're leaving now?'

'Early flight.'

He'd nodded, his voice gruff and scratchy with sleep. She paused, her eyes searching his, fingers gently massaging his scalp. It was so relaxing. The silent seconds ticked on between them and he felt his eyelids closing, fighting to stay awake.

'I'll miss you.'

He heard her smile even though he couldn't force his eyes open.

'I'll miss you too. I've um... I've got trips to New York and Toronto coming up. I thought we could maybe...'

'Yes.'

He hadn't even let her finish speaking before he leapt in with his answer and his eyes flickered open some more. He reached forward, pulling her closer to him. This was a glimmer of something coming from her. They'd never scheduled visits to see one another, just sent messages when they were both in the same city on the off-chance that the other person would be free. Then they nearly always made time for each other, he couldn’t think of a time recently when they hadn’t managed to meet.

'Yes?’ 

‘Yes. I'd like that.'

She'd laughed at him then, giving him a firm kiss on the lips, her fingers tracing over his bottom lip as she pulled away. He'd caught hold of her hand at the last second as she stood up. He'd wanted to say something to her before she left, something meaningful, but there was almost too much he wanted to say. She'd squeezed his hand knowingly and made her towards the door. His palm tingled, feeling the ghost of her fingers long after the door had clicked shut.

He shook his head, smiling to himself as he remembered and stretching out his fingers, wishing he could hold her hand again. It was August now though and today he turned a year older. It had been about three months since he’d seen her and naturally with her birthday coming up in two days he was thinking about her. They'd not really talked much about what he'd said to her a year ago, but that was the way they did things. They didn't talk about the things they needed to talk about, but he felt things were slowly changing between them and for the better. Despite that he craved a more regular arrangement between them, where they made definite plans to stay with one another. He wanted to take her out to dinner, see films with her, make her breakfast in bed, hold her hand in Central Park. He didn’t just want to sleep with her, he wanted to make a real go of things. He wanted the real chance he’d asked her for.

He was in love with her. He just had to not fuck it up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will it be a happy birthday for David?

She didn’t normally do things like this, this wasn’t her. She liked to plan things, schedule things into her diary in different coloured pens and transfer the same information into her Blackberry. She couldn’t ever remember a damn thing so she needed something to tell her exactly where she was going, when, and for how long. She wasn’t the sort of person who booked flights at the last minute, shipped her boys off to their father’s and got on a plane. Maybe she needed to be a little more impulsive, maybe this was a good thing for her. But the anxiety she currently felt, coupled with the searing burning in her chest and the butterflies in her stomach, failed to convince her that it was. All she knew was that it was his birthday, and she owed him an answer to a question he’d asked her over a year earlier. 

In her head this had seemed like the perfect day to give him that answer. After she finished things with Mark he’d warned her to sort out her head and figure out what it was she wanted. She knew what, or rather whom, that was but she hadn’t been sure if she was ready for it. Her and David were both intense people and she knew without doubt that they could lose themselves in each other. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that and she wasn’t sure she could trust that he would hold himself back for her. But as time went on he almost managed to prove himself to her. He called her but he also waited for her to call him. He had been patient, thoughtful and kind. He sent her letters without expecting a reply just to tell her what he was up to and to let her know he was thinking of her. He simply wanted to share things with her, his handwriting rough around the edges but his content articulate as ever. There were kisses at the end of emails and messages. There were questions as to how she was with genuine interest in the answers. He remembered things that she was doing, places she had been and people she had seen and he asked about her children. There had even been one bunch of flowers, a card inside with printed lettering and the words ‘Do I even need a reason?’. It was endearing, sweet and romantic and it had surprised her as much as it excited her. He was trying and he was trying hard, and she recognised it. This was the man she knew he always could be, the man she longed to see and the man she wanted to be with. 

She was so nervous she was shaking and the coffee she held was spilling out of the small hole on the plastic lid, scalding her hand. The pain was a welcome distraction. She somehow got through the revolving door without killing herself and waited nervously at the reception desk. Luckily the security guard at the door seemed to recognise her, guiding her further inside the building out of street view and taking the two drinks and paper bag of pastries from her to help her. She couldn’t imagine David had many visitors at 7am on a Tuesday. At least she hoped he didn’t and she hoped he was at least in the building to receive visitors. God he didn’t even know she was in the country. She hadn’t even told him she was coming. She didn’t even know if his kids were with him, it was his birthday after all. This was such a bad idea, what on earth had gotten into her?

‘Ma’am you want me to call and tell him you’re here?’

She snapped out of her thoughts and turned towards the voice, paying attention. So it sounded like he was home, that was at least one thing in her favour. Whether he was alone or not was a different story. She continued to stay silent and the security guard regarded her curiously.

‘He’s already been out this morning to exercise ma’am.’

She exhaled in relief, not realising she’d been holding her breath. The security guard seemed sense her nervous energy, perhaps from the way she kept eyeing the door as if she wanted to bolt back out of it. She took another deep breath, telling herself everything would be alright. He must be in, because she knew he wouldn’t leave the kids alone by themselves, certainly not so early and before they’d woken up. 

‘Ma’am? You’d like me to call him?’

‘Maybe let him know you have a delivery to bring up?’

‘Of course.’

She waited whilst the security guard made the brief call. She tried to stay focussed but her eyes were darting around the foyer and she was concentrating hard on stopping her heart from beating out of her chest. She tried to remind herself that it was just David and she had nothing to be afraid of. This was the man she’d known for twenty years, the man who knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. As much as all these things were a comfort to her, she felt like this was the first day of the rest of her life and a new chance and a new beginning for both of them.

'Would you like to head on up?'

She nodded, collecting the coffee and breakfast from the counter and nudging the button for the elevator with her knuckle. She couldn't remember an elevator ever taking quite so long to arrive and if she'd had spare fingers she'd have tapped them impatiently. She needed to do this right this instant before she lost her nerve. The doors finally opened and she walked in swiftly, nudging the button three times with her knuckle, just wanting the damn elevator to rise and chanting over and over in her head that everything was going to be fine and she had nothing to worry about. The bell rang again and she stepped quickly towards his front door, the thought of seeing him in a few short seconds making her smile and turning her nervousness almost into excitement.

She placed one coffee cup on the floor and rapped on his door, picking up the drink again quickly and stepping back. She chewed on her bottom lip as she heard footsteps on the floorboards other side, but it seemed quiet inside.

‘Hi,’ she whispered at him softly. ‘Happy birthday.’

He smiled a bigger smile than she’d seen from him in a very long time, the kind that crinkled the edges of his eyes and made him show his teeth; and she knew how self-conscious he was about them. She watched as he blinked slowly a few times, stuck still to the spot on the floor and taking in the fact that she was here in front of him.

‘I… I wasn’t, I mean… You didn’t… Shit I’m sorry. Come in.’

He stepped back from the front door and allowed her to pass, the smile still spread over his face. He was stuttering over his words and she couldn’t help but find it adorable, knowing she’d left him almost speechless. She was so happy to know that he reflected the exact way she was feeling inside and the butterflies were beginning to flap their wings and fly.

‘I brought you breakfast.’

‘I see that, thank you. It’s… Well it’s amazing actually. I’m so pleased you’re here.’

He took the coffee and the pastries from her, setting them on the counter and peeking inside the paper bag to see what treats she had bought him. His face was starting to ache from smiling as he saw she’d bought him one of the cranberry and sunflower seed muffins he loved, along with one for her. He broke a large piece of the top off and handed her half, their fingers brushing as she took the cake from him.

‘You’re not expecting anyone…’

‘No, no. The kids are coming over later. No this is… Well it’s really great. Come through.’

He chewed on his muffin and took her bag from her, placing it next to the edge of the sofa and came back to her to guide her into the kitchen. She climbed onto one of his bar stools and sipped at her coffee. He stood next to her and tucked stray strands of her hair behind her ear, all too briefly stroking his fingers down her neck, his hand lingering over her collar bone. She smiled at him sheepishly from behind her coffee, still feeling that nervous energy pent up within her. He pulled his stool close to hers and hopped up, ripping the paper bag open and tearing off another large piece of cake.

‘You remembered.’

‘Your birthday? Hard to forget when mine’s in two days.’

‘No, my favourite muffins. You remembered.’

‘I did. They happen to be my favourite too.’

Their knees were touching as he sipped at his coffee and regarded her. Just how was it possible to know a woman for twenty years and feel like you were on a first date with her at the same time? Her hair was pulled back from her face in a loose low bun and she wore a sleeveless silky black v-neck top with a long navy skirt. Her tan wedges were poking out from underneath and he noticed her toes were painted black. These days whenever he saw black nail polish he couldn’t help but think of San Diego and fucking her against the door of her hotel room, her legs wrapped around his waist and all their clothes still on. The peephole had left a circular imprint on her skin for hours afterwards but she’d told him it had been worth it. He definitely couldn’t argue with that.

She rustled the paper bag and broke off another piece of cake, her small fingers bringing it to his lips, causing him to raise his eyebrows at her.

‘I have the weirdest feeling of déjà vu.’

Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember but was distracted as she felt his tongue dart out to taste her fingers, his lips pulling one into his mouth and releasing it with a pop. She breathed in deeply and rested her index finger on his lower lip gently as he finished chewing. They held each other’s gaze as he kissed the tip gently.

‘Two hundred episodes. Champagne, cake and my trailer.’

Her thumb stroked across his jawline, feeling the light graze of his stubble as it circled around the mole on his cheek. How different they were now from that day and how far they’d come, the salt and pepper colourings of his beard testament to the years that had passed between them. They’d been good years, and she felt sure there were many more of those to come.

‘I think you’ll find it was my trailer.’

‘Oh really?’

‘Yes really.’

He pushed his stool back away from hers, standing in front of her again and leaning his face close into hers. He touched his forehead to hers and let his eyes close, feeling as her hands automatically went to hold his waist, clutching at his t-shirt and holding him near to her. They didn’t usually wait this long before they kissed one another and the anticipation was killing her in the most delicious way. He swallowed hard, his voice dropping to a whisper.

‘Well I think you’ll find it’s my birthday.’

She could taste his words and feel the moisture from his lips on hers. His fingers tangled spider-like in her hair, nails scratching along her scalp. His nose touched hers now and she wondered how he could be so in control of this when she was at the complete other end of the spectrum. She swallowed hard and watched as he breathed deeply, his eyes still closed but blurry in front of her from their proximity.

‘And what do you want for your birthday?’

His lips finally brushed across hers, once, then twice before he pulled away again. His touch was feather-light and soft, too soft, too tender to satisfy her. She dug her hands into his sides, sure her nails would leave welts in his skin but she couldn’t help it, he had to know he was driving her quietly insane. Her fingers found the hem of his shirt and crept under it, feeling the heat of his skin beneath and surprising him.

The last thing she heard him whisper was her name before his lips descended on hers, their mouths opening against each other and her hands scratching up his back to pull his chest to hers. Her nipples stood on end through the thin material of her top and she rubbed them unashamedly against his chest to relieve the friction and the pressure that had built there. He moaned into her mouth as his tongue found hers and the tip of his rubbed the surface of hers. 

She tilted her head and let his mouth move over hers, his lips soft and slow but his intent firm. She felt the goosebumps spread from her breasts and over her stomach, the tingling travelling downwards to between her thighs. Only he could ever get her this wet just by kissing her. Her fingers danced over the firm muscles of his abdomen, dipping below the waistband of his pants to tease his sensitive skin there. She heard his sharp intake of breath and felt his tongue dart into her mouth, winding around hers and pulling their mouths impossibly close together.

Her fingers journeyed further down through the coarse hair on his abdomen and she found him hard against her hand. She wouldn't touch him there just yet though, she wanted this to last and felt sure he did too. She pulled away from him, her thumb glancing over the tip of him to massage in the moisture she found there.

His hands reached between them over her breasts, pausing while he held them and thumbed her nipples firmly. She'd always been very sensitive there and from memory the harder he pinched the wetter she became. Today was no exception as she pushed her chest forward into his waiting hands. His mouth trailed open mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his tongue licking and sucking on the hollow of her throat.

She was so aroused by every aspect of this man, from his beautiful mind to his strong arms as they encircled and protected her. She wasn’t sure how she’d managed to survive so long without as much as kissing him. Without feeling like every nerve in her body was standing on end waiting for his next move or even his next words. She needed him so badly and the urge to tell him suddenly overwhelmed her.

'David I've missed you so much.'

She felt him stop in his ministrations and pulled his head up to meet her eyes, his arms wrapping around her to encircle her back. She didn't often say things like this, at least not out loud anyway. 

'Yeah?'

She nodded. 'What you asked me.... Over a year ago now. I...'

She turned her head away and looked towards the floor, trying not to let her emotions stop her saying what she needed to say. It was proving harder than she'd expected but she knew he'd spent months waiting for her answer and she owed it to him, especially today. He moved his head to search her face and find her eyes again. She took a deep breath as he stroked her hair behind both her ears and waited patiently.

'I'd really like us to give this a try.'

'You would?'

She nodded again at him. His eyebrows were raised and that smile was back. He pulled her to him and his hands rubbed up and down her back as she rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. His heart was beating faster than usual and she realised his mirrored her own. He heard her sniffle and felt drops on his t-shirt and held her tighter.

'Good tears?'

He felt her nod against him. 'Yeah. They definitely are. Sorry.'

'Hey hey hey, no apologies. It's ok. It's just me baby. It's just you and me.'

He felt her swipe at her face with the back of her hand and kissed the top of her head. Her admission had just made his day, his week, his year. Probably his decade if he was honest and he wanted nothing more than to be buried inside her and tangled together with her for the rest of the morning, but not before she was ready.

She pulled away from him, her eyes shiny but her face smiling. She ran her index finger from the hollow of his throat down to his belly button and watched as he shivered under her touch, her expression becoming more serious. Her finger traced circles over his chest and she looked up at him through her eyelashes.

'So...'

'So?'

'I thought maybe you could take me to bed. You know. Seeing as it is your birthday.'

'I'll have to think about it. I might need some convincing.'

'Yeah?'

She inched her way backwards on the stool, twisted round and hopped to the floor walking away from him slowly. She felt his eyes watching her back and crossed her arms over her body, pulling her top up and off and leaving it on the edge of the sofa. She took a few more steps and the button of her skirt was next, pausing as the material pooled at her feet, stepping over it and walking towards his bedroom in her underwear and wedges. Mentally she gave him ten seconds to catch her up. In reality it was more like five before he was behind her, strong arms around her and his hands over the satin cups of her bra. 

He was hot and hard against her back and his mouth was on her ear lobe, suckling on it gently as his fingers pinched and tweaked at her nipples, easing them into hard peaks. She tilted her head to allow him access to her neck as he kissed her behind her ear, nipping gently on her sensitive spot and nuzzling her hair with his nose.

'I was wondering how much convincing you were planning on doing.'

She tilted her head back against him to meet his eyes.

'However much you'd like.'

'By current standards I'd like to see more. A lot more.'

She moved out of his grasp to sit on the edge of his bed, her legs open just enough so he could see what she wanted him to see. She reached her good arm behind her back and unclasped her bra, letting the straps fall down her arms and off her wrists. Her hands replaced where his had just been and she held the weight of one breast in one hand, squeezing it gently as she flicked her fingernail over her nipple, scratching it. Her areolas were dark and pebbled and she tilted her head back, spreading her legs wider. She was surprised he hadn't noticed her underwear but suspected she had him otherwise distracted.

Moisture was pooling between her legs as she touched her breasts for him, knowing he was watching her. She heard the clank of the belt of his jeans hitting the floor and looked up to find him shirtless, stepping out of his pants with his hand over the front of his boxers. He stepped closer towards her and she spread her legs further.

'I'm on my way to being convinced.'

'Yeah?' she exhaled.

He rid himself of his boxers and took himself into his hand, stroking himself from root to tip, his eyes not leaving her for a second.

'Touch yourself baby.'

The hand not on her breast snaked it's way down her smooth abdomen and over the front of her black lace panties. She held her hand over her mons as she eased herself back on the bed, watching as he walked forward towards her stroking himself slowly. She laid on her back with her legs together, then bent her knees up for him. She bit her lip as he pulled his hand up his shaft hard and fast and groaned at her.

'Fuck Gillian. Crotchless panties? Jesus fuck that's hot.'

'Yeah?' she breathed out. 'Just a little birthday gift for you.'

Her hand continued its journey and she let out a long moan as her fingers played over her clit, circling the wetness around and gently stroking herself. He had crawled up over her now and propped himself up on his elbow to watch her.

'I'm very convinced babe. With you I always have been, you know that.'

'I'm glad.'

He placed his hand over hers, increasing the pressure against her folds and sliding his hand up and down. Her hips pulsed up and down in time with his hand as he stroked her and she sped up, her pelvis rocking hard as she sought her release. She was so wet for him and he couldn't wait much longer.

'You're going to keep those on while I fuck ️you,' he growled.

He took her by surprise and she gasped as he moved their hands out of the way swiftly. She whimpered at the loss of contact but their eyes found each other and he watched the rise and fall of her chest, her breathing deep and ragged. He pinned his hand to hers above her head and guided himself into her, both of them moaning as he pushed his way inside her.

'Fuck David yes. God I want to feel you so fucking much.'

He propped himself up on his other hand and looked down to watch his first thrust inside her, closing his eyes in pleasure and forcing them back open. There was something just so hot about fucking a woman with her underwear and shoes still left on. Her feet climbed up his back and the hard sole of her shoe dug into him, her arms looped around his shoulders. She tickled the hair on the back of his neck, scratching her nails through the soft hairs there. He held himself still for a moment to regain his composure and her lips found his, her tongue in and around his mouth as she suckled and kissed him.

He grunted as he began to thrust, long hard strokes as he built his rhythm. Her hips tilted up to meet him and he was in so deep inside her he couldn't help but pick up the pace. Each time he thrust the friction of him and the lace of her panties built the pressure in her clit and she knew she wasn't far off coming. He was fucking her exactly how she needed it, she needed to feel him and he was hot and hard and fast inside.

'Give it to me babe you can feel how I want it.'

Their fingers clutched together above her head, nails digging into each other's hands and wet kisses all over each other's faces. This was them and them together and nothing else in the world mattered right now.

'David look at me. I want to watch your face when you come.'

The heels of her shoes were hard on his back and her hips were thrusting up as he thrust inside her. He managed to pull his lips from hers and look at her face, her lower lip pulled inside her mouth and her cheeks flushed. 

Her eyes were the clearest turquoise, her pupils wide and her expression one of arousal, but completely open to him and seemingly at peace. She'd never asked him to look at her like this before, never before had she wanted to attach such emotion to their sex. He welcomed it, their deep connection spiking his arousal as well as tugging at his heart. His rhythm was frantic now, his thrusts short, hard and fast and he watched as she released her lower lip, moaning as her orgasm swept over her. 

'Davidiloveyoudaviddaviddavid.'

Her walls pulsed around him, drawing him deep inside her and he thrust hard one last time, riding out her orgasm with his, letting her tight pulses milk him as he spilled himself inside her.

He laid on top of her, still connected and used his arms to gather her to him. Their bodies were flush against each other and he carefully pulled them to lie on their sides, still joined so he didn't squash her.

'That was all... Very convincing.'

He laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. 'It was. For the record feel free to need to convince me any time.'

His fingers pushed the damp strands of hair away from her face and he regarded her seriously for a moment.

'You said something when you... Uh... Finished.'

She nodded. She suspected as much and suspected the intensity of what they'd talked about earlier, as well as being able to look into each other's eyes when he was inside her had led to her confession. It wasn't that she didn't mean it, but she felt it was a bit too much all at once and maybe neither of them were quite ready for that yet.

'I can pretend you didn't say it if you like. Put it down to being in the throes of passion.'

'Do you not want me to say it?'

'No I do. Believe me I do. And I'd say it back, but I feel like we've made one step forward here and I don't want to push you.'

She nodded again and reached forward the short distance between them to brush her lips across his.

'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'Understanding. Being you. Evolving like you have done. Loving me and still wanting me after twenty years despite everything.'

He dropped a kiss on her forehead and watched as she wriggled uncomfortably and shifted away from him to go and use the bathroom. She walked around the edge of the bed gingerly and he rolled over to watch her as she walked by. He reached his hand out towards her.

'Gillian.'

He took a hold of her hand and traced the outline of a heart shape on the inside of her wrist.

'I'm really looking forward to our next twenty years.'

She smiled and he squeezed her fingers as he let her hand go, shaking his head on the pillow as she closed the bathroom door behind her. What a birthday this really was turning out to be.


End file.
